Today i learnt that ‘quiet area’ tends to mean ‘predominantly white area’ and can be used as an exclusive term for the more passive aggressive racist.
For the last couple of months it’s been said around me often, not directly to me. ‘This is a quiet area’ a ‘lovely estate’ ‘not like those city estates’ until one day, the Asian guy that lives in the apartment opposite said hello, as i came out of the door. While talking about how long he’s lived here and how my move was, he said it, with a hint of a smile on his lips, which i noticed, only because of being super paranoid from my psychosis ALL THE TIME ‘it’s a really NICE area, and a quiet estate.’ Then he left.
Cut to today, the sun is shining, I’m feeling myself. ‘Cause i look good and i got to sleep in.
I was walking home from a friends with some of the stuff i left at his in a suitcase.
I was wearing a black mesh top with a metallic silver tshirt underneath and white flat cap with spikes in it and my work trousers (leather look joggers with zip detailing)
I say all this as if something i was wearing or carrying could be an indicator as to why i was treated the way that I have been treated this morning.
But the truth is, i could be wearing a black hoodie, who gives a shit?
These two white (one elder women and one younger) see me struggling with the suitcase at the door of my apartment block, and one tries shut the door in my face. I grab the door before it closes, as my keys are in my pocket and i’ve got a fucking suitcase. I walk in and catch up with at the elevator. We step inside
Then I hear this.
‘we’re a quiet estate and don’t want any trouble’
The younger woman pipes up, and is looking at me with contempt and amusement.
I see red. I’m such a passive person, by choice, but in that moment I had god and the devil raging inside of me.
Eventually took out my keys and gave them a little shake. and instead of saying something sassy like ‘well little lady, if you think this is what trouble looks like, then trouble has found you’ or giving her the most satisfying bitch slap of my life i simply said ‘Floor 10 please.’
i thought it was over when she pressed the tenth floor, i was feeling victorious, until we reached the tenth floor i stepped out started to unlock my door and i realised, she hadn’t pressed her floor number in the lift. She had waited for me to get out before she went to her floor lest i knew what floor she lived on.
21st century racism.